Welcome to Week 3 in our fusion of don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements & Secrets of Meditation!! We’ve gone deep into BEING IMPECCABLE with our word, not TAKING ANYTHING PERSONALLY, and now it’s time to embrace the third agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions!
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“Each one of us can be an oasis of peace.” – Desmond Tutu
Why do we assume? We assume because we are in constant interpretation mode. We guess what others are thinking; what they think about themselves – us – the world; we guess what their words mean to them.
What’s an assumption? We categorize everything in life into the known, the unknown, and the unknowable. Assuming is thinking that we know. We take things that are unknown or unknowable and we massage them until we think we know – Yet it’s only true for us…in our dream…our belief…our personal point of view.
When we assume how everyone thinks and why they did or said something, we turn our guesses into our facts – but these are just aspects of our own dream. It’s not actually TRUE – although we may convince ourselves that it’s true for us.
When you assume what’s in the head of your closest person – what they are thinking, and why, and what’s important, and what their fears, and hopes, and dreams are, and what their vision is and what lens they look through life with – that’s a lot of assuming. Most of us don’t even have a grip on those answers for ourselves. That leaves a lot of room for guessing wrong. And in that process you will most likely not meet your needs and most definitely not theirs.
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We assume that if people love us, they know what we are thinking – what we need and how we feel. David Simon used to refer to it as E.S.Peeing all over yourself! In Secrets of Meditation, I share the power of asking questions and then being still, so you can hear the answers. This practice is critical to a life of less stress and deeper fulfillment.
Why do we assume most of the time? Usually it’s because we are afraid to ask the “stupid” question. And yet that’s the answer that would allow the moment to flow more easily. Why do we assume? To fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. But communication is the thing that would move us closer to a shared truth. But we are shy, or ashamed or fearful of being perceived as not knowing the answer…we don’t have the courage in the moment, so we assume…and go deeper into our personal dream – reinforcing beliefs that have no foundation other than an assumption. The answer can be yes or no – but if you don’t ask, you have not exercised your own power in the situation.
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This week, we have the opportunity to assume less, ask more, guess less, know more. And in that process, we will peel away some of the maya, the mitote, the illusion that separates us from each other and from
ourselves. We will gain clarity. Our hearts will open a bit more. We will connect at a deeper level to everyone and everything in our life. We will find ourselves being more impeccable with our words and actions. And, most importantly, we will connect to ourselves, awakening our own divine light. And through this step and the practice of sitting in stillness and silence with the universal flow, what is unknown will become the known. When you find yourself assuming (making up what’s in someone else’s head), remind your self “Even what I assume is only a fraction of the truth – the real story. Let me ask…and find out more so I can fill in some of the missing pieces.”
Practice asking yourself: “What am I not seeing?” And ask away. The universe will unfold with love and your life will continue to unfold with grace and ease.
Join me on Hay House Radio today and we will go deeper into locking down our ability to assume less and ask more. See you in the gap!! Peace. -davidji
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